Knowing first hand from experience that the no contact rule works on so many different levels, I'm going to challenge the opponents whom claim it doesn't work. There's so many different views on the subject that it's hard to believe who to trust, so I'm going to give my expertise advise on what I find wrong with the statements from those who oppose this tactic.
Opponents of the no contact rule really have a limited understanding of what this rule is intended to do. One argument I hear is that it's unhealthy to use and doesn't solve relationship problems or conflicts.
Uhmmm...if a break up happens, what relationship is left? The relationship has dissolved due to whatever factors that may have occurred. No contact is about accepting that the break up has happened.
As for the unhealthy part, is it more healthy to constantly harass an ex to "talk" things out with you when he or she has no wish to? I believe constantly harassing your ex is a lot more unhealthy than giving you and your ex space.
I also think it's a lot more healthy to have this space so you can begin to heal from the heartbreak. It makes it a hell of a lot harder to heal from heartbreak if you're still communicating with your ex, and it delays the process.
As for staying friends with your ex? This is extremely unhealthy if one partner, especially the one who was dumped, still has feelings for their ex. Have the opponents of the no contact rule ever been in those shoes? I have and it's not a good position to be in.
Let's not forget about the emotions after a break up. I read one article which said that people who use the no contact rule "feel helpless" and that's why they use it. Uhmm...the feeling of helplessness occurs because of the breakup. Not because of no contact.
Yes, when you're dumped, you're going to feel a lot of disheartening emotions. These emotions can lead you to do a lot of stupid things as well as say a lot of stupid things to your ex if you refute the tactic of no contact. As I've always said, this time away from your ex is needed for you to get yourself under control and your head back on straight.
No contact allows you the space and sanity to do this. Just like if you were to have a nasty fight or argument with your ex, it's not wise to continue to infuriate them by keeping in contact when they don't WANT to TALK! Stepping back ensures that you are allowed to cool down and for your ex to cool down after a break up.
Another argument is that this tactic is a last ditch effort to get your ex back. Uhmm...no it's NOT a last ditch effort. THIS IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WRONG HERE!
If we are talking about getting an ex back, the no contact rule works only when it's used correctly and part of a complete strategy. No contact is NOT a complete strategy to get an ex back. It's only one important component and one stage.
Those who claim no contact does not work make this mistake. They think that this one tactic is all they need. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
No contact has NOTHING to do with re-attracting your ex back. That stage comes after no contact, and if you don't know this stage after NC, you have an enormous chance of failing concerning getting your ex back.
NC (no contact) only helps to get you back to a good place where you can re-attract your ex back. Like I said, you need to heal and you need to get over the breakup and all the emotions that come out of a breakup.
There is no way in hell you will be able to re-attract your ex if you are still desperate, still emotionally caught up by the breakup (breakup baggage), and still needy for any attention your ex may throw at you.
Yes, the no contact rule does not work if you use it completely wrong. If you use it for something that it's not intended for. That's true about anything in life. Try playing a CD in a microwave. Will it work? No!
Learn how to use the no contact rule correctly. It has many uses than just trying to get an ex back. You can also use it to get over your ex as well.
You should read my FREE ebook Behind No Contact - All About The No Contact Rule After A Breakup to further understand how no contact works in the over-all strategy of getting an ex back. Visit the link above to read and download it absolutely free.