Thursday, December 22, 2011

Eight Post Break Up Delusions Concerning The No Contact Rule With An Ex

This is going to be a lengthy post and a lot to cover. Some think the no contact rule with an ex is playing games. It’s delusions like that which harm you in your over all attempt to get your ex back for many reasons. You must be wary of these delusions, and how these emotions cloud your judgment.

1.      You Don’t Want to be the Bad Guy!
If she broke up with you and you weren’t a complete jerk during your relationship with her, there’s no reason for you to feel like a jerk going into no contact. Right now you need to concentrate on your well-being and emotional state.

Just like she believed it was the best thing for her to end the relationship, it is the best thing for you to distance yourself from your ex so you can accept, grieve, and begin to heal. Your ex being pissed off about you disappearing to do this shouldn't concern you. After all, they didn’t concern themselves with your broken heart, did they?

2.      My Ex Needs My Help
Okay, this is a flat out delusion, and if you’re thinking this, you’re still in the state of denial about the break up. Pity will also cause you to break no contact, and pity's no reason to risk delaying your own healing process. 

Your ex may stage some kind of crisis, but don't fall into this trip. Sometimes they're testing you to confirm if they still have you wrapped around their little finger. 

Just remember that this is a weak moment they’re experiencing if they call to ask for help, and you definitely do not owe them a single thing, nor do they. Remember, feelings of guilt for “being a bad guy” is all in your head. 

3.      I Need My Ex
This is the most sad and hardest of mindsets to break after a break up. This thinking has killed many chances in getting back with ex, and will continue to do so. 

I want you to look at the word “Need” in that statement above. If you’re saying this to yourself, you're still in a needy emotional state, and this will absolutely kill any chances of possibly getting an ex back.

A child needs a parent. You are not a child, and your ex is not your parent. The only person you need is yourself to determine your happiness. If your world revolves around your ex, you need to break this and start creating a life for yourself.

4.      If I Wait, I’ll Lose My Ex for Good
Once again, you’re in denial about the break up, and still in a desperate state. This is one of the major reasons why many break the no contact rule and contact them prematurely. 

You need to accept the relationship is over. You cannot go back. You can only move forward. Even if you and your ex do reunite later in the future, you two have to start off fresh. 

Going back to where you left off will only end up in break up again. Just like your ex was attracted to you for a reason initially, your ex also broke up with you for a reason also. 

If you wait, you’ll lose your ex is a huge misconception, and if you’re worried about this, your ex has a lot of power over you that you have to break in order to re-attract them again.

No matter how much time has passed, you can get an ex back. Do not fall into this fear or you'll do things to completely push your ex away forever. If you continue to pester and harass your ex, you'll lose your ex. That there is a fact.

5.      My Ex Is Seeing Someone Else
A huge panic attack will be felt when you get word your ex is seeing someone else, and it comes with all sorts of crazy emotions. Still, no matter how painful this is, breaking no contact and badgering your ex about this will absolutely put you in “the loser” category concerning your ex.

Instead, this is even more reason for you to keep your distance with your ex…not the opposite. Look, your ex is free to date anyone he or she chooses. They do not need your consent. If you try to convince them it’s a bad idea or a mistake, all you do is push your ex further into the new person’s arms.

Absolutely do not break the no contact rule because your ex is seeing someone else. This always, always has disastrous effects. Mainly these effects will be more on you than your ex. Realize that there is absolutely nothing you can do about your ex seeing someone else except for you to concentrate on moving on yourself.

6.      I Want To Brag To My Ex
Okay, I know you’re hurt, and you want to hurt them back by telling them how much life is so much greater without them. There’s a time for this, and it’s not recently after a break up when the wounds are still fresh on both sides.

Breaking the no contact rule just so you can brag to your ex about your new or made up new lover will backfire on you. Yes, she or he will assume you’re just doing this to get a reaction from them. Don’t do this during no contact.

7.      All I Have To Do Is Grovel & Say Sorry
Oh, this is the first biggest mistake someone usually makes after a break up. Look, if you truly were a complete jerk to your ex during the ENTIRE relationship, call her up and give her a very short apology. DO NOT expect that he or she is going to take you back because you apologized.

Just apologize and hang up…don’t linger…you’ll just make it worse. If you were a great guy and there’s really no need to apologize, then don’t. You’ll look like you’re making any excuse to talk to your ex, and you’ll look desperate and needy. 

Groveling is also unattractive. It doesn’t put you in a good light at all. Remember, your ex isn’t stupid. Chances are they are expecting you to do all the mistakes that your emotions right now are telling you is the right thing to do. However, the real truth is, your high emotional state right now after a break up will bring about delusional thoughts such as the 8 listed here.

Just go into no contact, and learn exactly what you should be doing during the no contact period.

8.      I Need To Get My Stuff And Return Their Stuff
Look, this is another last ditch effort on your part to rationalize contacting your ex again. Unless you left a very valuable item worth thousands of dollars at her place, I’d advise to just let these go. If you’re ex wants her stuff back, arrange for her to pick them up, but leave the box outside your door.

Sometimes an ex will demand their stuff back just so they can see you. Don’t fall for this. When you’re healing from a break up, it’s NOT a good idea to see or chat with your ex whatsoever. This is, of course, if you don’t have kids together, don’t work together or go to school together, or live together.

If you do have to keep in contact because you have kids together, work together, go to school together or live together, you will need to apply what is known as limited contact or the limited contact rule. You cannot use the no contact rule if any of the above applies to you.

Let these possessions go, and don’t use getting your stuff back as an excuse to break no contact just to see them again. It always ends with disastrous results.

Click the link to learn more about the no contact rule with an ex and what you need to do to make no contact work for you.
If you have kids with your ex or have to keep in contact with them because you work together, live together or go to school with them, visit the link to learn about limited contact with an ex girlfriend.

Discover the absolute best books on getting your ex back. These complete and proven strategies will reveal all the secrets you need in order to re-attract, win your ex back, and keep them. Just click the link above to learn exactly how.

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