Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Should I Contact My Ex? Should I Email My Ex?

After a breakup, it's hard not to want to contact your ex. Mostly because you miss having that person there for you on an affectionate and intimate level. Once that's gone, it can be a pretty scary thing. In this article we're going to talk about two common questions people ask shortly after a breakup: Should I contact my ex, or should I email my ex?

These two questions are pretty tricky, and it truly depends on when you plan on contacting your ex. I will discuss some possibilities of why and when you should or should not contact your ex. I'm warning you that this will be a long post because there is much to discuss, and I'm sure that I don't have to remind you just how tender trying to get an ex back is.

Should I Contact My Ex? 

 Contacting your ex is a tricky topic so let's start off with why you are planning to contact your ex for. If you have no plans to get back together with her then you can contact your ex as often as you like. However, if you want to get back together with your ex then you need to know the rules.

1. If you are in no contact and it has been less than one month, you DO NOT contact your ex. Shortly after a breakup, it's important that you give your ex space and time to truly think about whether his or her decision was the right one in calling it off. If you don't know what no contact is, click the link to learn more about it before preceding.

2. If it has been at least a month or more of no contact, your ex hasn't reached out to you yet, and you are ready to contact her or him, you will need to re-establish contact with them. I generally don't like to be the one to initiate contact, especially if I was the one who was dumped. It's a matter of pride to me. However, if you have no problem with this then you'll need to be the one to re-connect with the ex.

Be warned: Being ready does not mean that you just can't wait to contact her or him. Being ready means that you have done everything required during the no contact rule and that you know the stage after no contact. This means you know the tactics on how to win her back, and it also means you know the full strategy on how to get an ex back!

If you don't know the win her back stage or the full strategy on how to get an ex back, you're not ready and any contact with your ex can greatly damage your chances, because you have a high probability of screwing it up.

3. If your ex has contacted you, it's perfectly fine to contact them back. This is up to you, however. If you feel like you need more time and aren't ready, you don't have to contact the ex. Or, you can contact your ex, but go into limited contact with them. Limited contact can be quite useful if your ex contacts you prematurely. Click the link to learn more about limited contact.

Those above are three rules answering the question, "Should I contact my ex?" Remember, you should NEVER contact your ex out of neediness or desperation. That is a UNIVERSAL rule that should always  adhere to when trying to get back an ex.

Should I Email My Ex?

Some get your ex back strategies recommend this, but I personally think that a text is better. Email is kind of too informal, but it's not wrong to send her a message through email. It's up to you on this one. I personally wouldn't do it, but I've known others who were successful at this method.

However, take some things into consideration before you email or contact your ex. You have to do it in a way that assures he or she has a better chance of responding back to you. Boring emails or texts is not the way to spark her or his curiosity.

A simple, "Hi, how are you?" is boring. You may get a response but that conversation leads nowhere but, "Fine. How are you?" That's if you get a response.

Remember, you're on a tight rope here when it comes to getting an ex back. Chances are your ex may not be sure about you if you're the one who has to contact them. Contacting your ex again after the no contact rule is severely a delicate matter.

I don't think a lot of people realize just how vitally important the win her back stage is after no contact. It's called the WIN HER BACK STAGE for a reason. 

The win her back stage starts exactly when you contact her again, or if you're lucky, your ex contacts you first. Knowing exactly how to contact them and what to say to draw them in is crucial.

I know I'm repeating myself here, but I want you to get just how important this part is. Winning your ex back hinges on what you say in your first contact with her. It's a bit less stressful if they are one to contact you. You have much more leeway.

However, if you have to contact them, you have less room to make mistakes. Why? Because if your ex contacts you first, they are trying to become part of your life again. If you're contacting them, it's you who is trying to enter their world again.

Every Get An Ex Back Strategy includes the first contact message you should write or say after no contact. They give you a word-for-word message to write your ex, and it's hugely successful.

The Magic of Making Up has what's called, "The Magic Letter." This letter is exactly what you should say when you contact your ex. It gives you a higher chance that you'll be able to pique their interest and have your ex contact you again and want to re-establish communication with you.

While many are wondering, "Should I email my ex," the Magic Letter actually recommends that you hand write a letter to your ex to make it more personal. My Breakup2MakeUp newsletter members who took my recommendation of getting The Magic of Making Up have reported just how successful the Magic Letter was for them.

So there you have it. In this post I've answered both the questions of Should I contact my ex and should I email my ex? It's not really about the question, Should I contact my ex. The question to be concerned about is, What to say when I contact my ex?

I really hope this post clears up somethings and helps you in your quest to get your ex back. If you like this post and think a friend could use this advice, tweet it or post it on facebook. Be sure to leave a comment as well.


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  2. Hi,

    I emailed my ex 4 days after we broke up and NC started and basically sincerely apologised specifically for all the things I did that hurt her. I also mentioned at the end of the email in a short one-liner that i missed her so much.

    Am going to continue going NC after this. But was wondering if I had jeopardised my chances by sending that email?

  3. The only way you could have jeopardized your chances with her is if you truly had NOTHING to apologize for. If you did her wrong, then you did the right thing in giving her a sincere apology. Yes, go into no contact and give both you and her space. Just know that if you did wrong to cause the breakup, you're really on super thin ice. You still have a chance...there's always a chance if you have a good strategy.

  4. My ex broke up with me 5 days ago it broke my heart and i could tell she felt bad we had been together for over 2 1/2 years never any bad arguments but she said our relationship had become routine and ended it out of the blue. I haven't contacted her since it happened not one word even took her off my Facebook but i want her back we were always perfect together. Any advice?

  5. There are some contradictions in your comment. You said that she told you that your relationship had grown "routine." That's just a more polite way of saying had grown bored of the relationship.

    My advice is to download my free Behind No Contact and learn all you can about the no contact rule.

    Doing this tactic correctly can set you up to be in a better position for the next stage - the win her back stage - in which you'll need to learn more advanced techniques to re-attract your ex back.